Body Image and Perimenopause: How I'm Changing My Mindset

Hiya! Thank you for joining me on my Substack debut!

As someone who has always turned to writing when needing to make sense of things, choosing a first article topic has been tough.

But recently, I took a deep dive into body image and thought, hey, that’s a good place to start! Now, I know there’s like a million articles on body image, but I just had to write this article. As a middle-aged woman struggling through the mire of perimenopause, I recently had a major realisation and felt compelled to share it. So, let’s jump in!

My Rollercoaster Ride with Body Image

So, let’s rewind to my teenage years – a time when the late 80s and early 90s were all about supermodels owning the catwalk and Madonna dominating pop culture. Those were the days when beauty standards seemed like they were handed down from the heavens and comparing ourselves to them felt as natural as scrolling through social media today.

Yep, you guessed it – I was caught smack dab in the comparison trap. The glossy magazines, the airbrushed images, the music videos, they all played a part in pushing me to chase this ever-elusive ideal of what it was to be a woman. But it wasn’t just about looking good; it was this unspoken rule that as women, we were supposed to fit this mold of being thin, flawless, and always ready to cater to male desire.

I mean, who didn’t feel the pressure to measure up? I surely did, and boy, it messed with my head big time. It’s like these ‘perfect’ images took over my brain, making me want to be something I wasn’t while ignoring the amazing person I already was.

As I navigated the uncertain waters of my 20’s, I started to question these so-called ‘ideals’. Who decided what was ‘perfect’ anyway? Women’s Studies at university gave me a lot of food for thought as I began to understand more about ‘the male lens’ through which ideas of women were presented. It was tough, no doubt, but this was where I began to untangle myself from the grip of those unrealistic images. It was like giving those cookie-cutter standards the side-eye and saying, “Nah, I’m good."

But here’s the kicker – trying to put these feelings into words was like wrestling with a greased pig. Have you ever tried explaining to someone how these images were messing with your head? It felt like I was speaking a different language, and no one else seemed to get it. I looked around, and it felt like everyone else was fully paid-up members of the patriarchy, going along with these ridiculous standards without batting an eye. It was like trying to break free from a cult – people just didn’t want to hear it.

This battle persisted through my 20s and 30s, with my body size seemingly beyond my control. Weight fluctuations became a frustrating enigma. It was as if my body was a separate entity, not belonging to me at all.

Discovering the power of food

In my early 40s, post-baby weight at its peak, a friend recommended an eating plan called Trim Healthy Mama (THM). This plan was my lifeline, teaching me the art of balanced nutrition. I learned how to fuel my body with healthy fats and carbs. Without any extra exercise, the weight melted away, leaving me lighter in more ways than one. Finally, I felt connected to my body. This is how I always wanted to feel, and it was wonderful!

Others’ attitudes towards me changed too. People looked at me differently, like I was someone to be taken seriously. I felt like I’d cracked the code and figured out how to fuel my body in the way it needed to find true balance.

Little did I know that perimenopause had other plans for me.

Seeking answers, battling frustrations

For the last 5 or so years I’ve noticed what I now know are perimenopause symptoms creeping up on me. You know, those joyful things such as hot flashes, unreasonable rage, and brain fog.

So. Much. Fun.

But, what hit me worst of all, was the weight gain. Because of the food freedom I’d discovered through THM, I almost literally lost my mind when the weight began to pile on despite changing nothing in my diet or exercise. What had worked for me so well before was now doing absolutely nothing. And I couldn’t handle it.

I searched for answers, hoping to regain control. But the battle against perimenopausal weight gain proved an uphill struggle. There are so many online ads touting menopausal weight loss solutions. As soon as you enter those words into any search engine, your social media feed will go berserk with more and more ads, all offering hope - and delivering nothing.

OMG my frustration spiralled, leaving me trapped in a cycle of self-doubt. It was so disheartening; to know I’d come so far, only to revert to the place of body resentment where I was 10 years ago. But more than that, there was also an anger lurking behind that hatred. How dare my body betray me?!

The unfairness of this reversal has been really tough to take. I’d had a glimpse of how wonderful life could be, living in a body I loved, and, instead of obsessing over the way I looked, I could invest that energy into more worthwhile things.  But I’ve gone full circle, back to an unhealthy mindset, and I think that’s the hardest thing to deal with for me.

Changing the lens

So, this week, by pure chance, something happened that caused a much-needed mental shift.

While listening to Radio New Zealand, I heard Virginia Sole-Smith speak about her book “Fat Talk” and a shaft of sunlight pierced through my current mindset. She called out the notion that being thin is the only way to be healthy and argued that humankind needs a diverse range of body shapes and sizes to survive and do well. Having grown up in the 80s and 90s when super models were the ideal to which we all compared ourselves, this notion astounded me.

Smith said that doctors don’t know everything about how weight affects health and that there needs to be more research about the link between weight and health. Where modern medicine shrugs its shoulders, the weight loss industry rubs its greedy little hands together.

This certainly resonated with me!

When Smith advised larger women to demand that their doctors discuss the same treatment plans as they would for thin with the same symptoms, I was gobsmacked. The power and weight (pun intended) of these words literally stopped me in my tracks. To suggest that being overweight might not be the cause of a patient’s symptoms was shocking and liberating in equal measures. I was like, WTF? This woman is amazing!

As Smith’s words danced through my mind, I could feel my shoulders relaxing and my perspective shifting. There’s no doubt that my relationship with my body is a turbulent one, but I’m feeling a sense of freedom now. I’m released from the negative attitude I had, that, because I’d gained weight, I was unhealthy.

I am eating a healthy diet, rich in good-for-you fats and carbs, I drink plenty of water, I exercise, and I grow a lot of my own food. There’s really nothing else to do…except to change my attitude.  My deep dive was a much-needed plunge, and while I still don’t have everything figured out, things are becoming clearer.

So, thanks to wonderful women like Virginia Sole-Smith who are standing up and saying, “Actually, women deserve better, let’s make some real change here!”. It’s exciting to see these conversations happening in more and more spaces, let’s have more of them!

Thanks for reading this, I really appreciate your time. I’d also love to hear your thoughts on this subject, so feel free to leave a comment.